if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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