If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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