Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
