Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Randomize
