dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
soo... how was my night?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
