god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
