Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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