I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
