hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
