She is in my trunk
I wish I only lived at night.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
