I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
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You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
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I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize