I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
