Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
