VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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