Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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