so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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