All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
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So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
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I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
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