I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
