You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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