you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
