Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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