Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
