He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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