Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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