a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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