Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
