Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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