I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
