Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
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