I puked a lego.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
