Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
