tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
