Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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