Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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