I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
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