Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
