i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
