I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
