im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
