I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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