nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
