I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
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