I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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