I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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