just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
