So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Randomize
