FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
