I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
