oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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