she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Randomize
