This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
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