I'm so fucking centered right now
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
