i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Never underestimate the power of titties
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
