porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
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