If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
