Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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