WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
So squirting runs in the family.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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