Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Congratulations! We have a period
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