margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I love how my cats smell like pot.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
