so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
The feeling are messing with the penis
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
