hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
