i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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