I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Randomize
