Porn is love you can see.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
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