What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
