plz talk dirty to me
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
