a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
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I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
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I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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