I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
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