I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
