i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
